The Art of Passing Notes
by johnnydicaprio
Summary: -"Wipe your drool off your face, mate." - "I'm afraid we've lost him." - "Yeah...if only he would close his mouth, I can’t say I’m enjoying the view." - "I swear, he’s going to gag on his own drool." - "That would be most amusing."
1. The Devious Plan

**Hey guyyss!!!**

**Well, after finishing "His Lips on Hers", ive decided for a while to focus on the maurauders. **

**Dont worry though, plenty of RonHr stories are coming up.**

**I dont know if this will be a oneshot or not, depends on how people like it**

**I saw this style on a different story, thought it might be interesting. **

Characters' Handwriting:

_James Potter_

Sirius Black

**Remus Lupin**

(possibly in later chapters)

**_Peter Pettigrew_**

_Lily Evans_

**-------**

_**2**__**nd**__** Period, History of Magic**_

James! Would you stop staring at her you ungrateful sod, I'm feeling neglected here!

_I am not staring at her._

You are too. You are completely ignoring our tic-tac-toe marathon, and you're looking over there all...dazed...and happy.

_I'm not looking at Evans, Paddy. I__t's just...Binns's lecture is so interesting. _

Yeah?

_Yep._

Right, I suppose you know what the lecture on, then, smarty-pants?

_Of course I do its - _

Well, it's not about Evans's arse, that's for sure.

_Hey__. There was no need for that. _

You're staring at it.

_I'm not. She's just standing in front of me. What can I do?_

How about...**not** stare at it? I mean, it's just a suggestion.

…

Have I hurt little Jamsiepoo's feelings?

_Shove it. _

Will you not reply to mean, old, Sirius?

_Stop __waving the parchment under my nose, Sirius._

Well then read your own one!

_Binns will see._

Hah! Binns wouldn't look over even if I took off my clothes in the middle of the classroom and started streaking!

_Unpleasant images in my head. A lot of them, thank you._

Anytime. So...back to our game?

James?

JAMES!

_What? _

Ah, there you are.

_What do you want?_

Wipe your drool off your face, mate.

_I am not drooling. _

You would have been if I didn't wake you up.

**Hey, you guys should pay attention, you know. **

Moony! Simply splendid of you to join us old boy!

**Yeah, yeah. **

Marvelous! Absolutely spiffing!

**Right.**

How really corking to see you -

**- That's enough. I'm serious. I won't be letting you borrow my notes this time.**

Oh, Moony, what would we do without you?

**...fail?**

Most likely.

**What's up with Prongs?**

I'm afraid we've lost him.

**Why is he staring at me?**

Don't be alarmed. It's not you. Kindly look over your shoulder.

**Oh...that.**

Yep. We've lost our dear friend to the opposite sex.

**Yeah...if**** only he would close his mouth, I can't say I'm enjoying the view. **

I swear, he's going to gag on his own drool.

**That would be amusing.**

_I would like to inform you__ dimwits that I can still read the parchment. Everything you say is recorded on my copy too, you know. _

Oh, yes. I'm afraid that was my brilliant idea.

**James, we haven't lost you after all!**

Prongs, may I make a tiny suggestion?

_I s__'pose._

Try to make it more bloody obvious.

_Make what obvious?_

That you are completely, utterly, entirely, one hundred and fifty percent, head over heals in love wiiiiiiiiiiiith…the lucky girl is – Evans!

**Subtle, paddy. **

Thank you. Subtlety happens to be my strong suit.

_I am not in love with her!_

Yes. And _I_ am a flubberworm. And Moony, here happens to be –

**- a crumple-headed-snorkack.**

_Excuse me__, a __**what?**_

Exactly. You love Evans.

_What's that got to do with – _

Our prongs. In love. How sweet…

_How can you even interrupt me over writing?_

I have my ways.

_Stop smirking at the paper, it makes you look mental. _

Why, thank you!

**James?**

_Yes, Remus?_

**You love Evans, don't you?**

_I most certainly __do not!_

**You most certainly ****do! **

Nice, Moony.

**Thank you. **

_Do you guys have nothing better to do than to gang up on me?_

I think not. Do we Remus?

**Nope. Definitely not. **

_I thought you wanted to listen to Binns__, Moony._

Naaah...History of Magic is even mindlessly boring for our furry little friend here…

_Sirius!_

Right, right. Sorry, I'm not supposed to say that…

_Ok, so I think we should stop __with this notes thi –_

- Alright, alright, back to your platonic love affair!

_Oh, __come __**on!**_

**I agree – **

_Thank god, __Moony!_

I am shocked! Shocked I say! TRAITOR!

**- with Sirius. **

Hah! Take that, Prongs.

_I hate you. _

**I don't believe that. **

Yeah, yeah, Prongs, I am hurt and stuff…

_I'm terribly sorry__, I can see that my words really have affected you._

**Clearly. **

So, what is your plan, James?

_Plan, what plan?_

Your devious plan!

_What? _

The "I'm-going-to-get-the-girl-that-I-love-who-just-by-chance-happens-to-hate-me" plan.

**There's a plan? **

Well, there bloody well should be!

_There is no bloody plan! _

**Then, how are you going to get Evans?**

_I will not "get" Evans, because I am not "head over heels" in love with her you nosy old wankers!_

My, my. Prongs has started swearing.

**You have a dirty mouth, James.**

Maybe we should wash it with soap. Or better yet, ask Lily to do it for him…

_I want to die. _

How sad.

**I am appalled. **

_I will ignore you from now on. _

Alright, suit yourself. Moony?

**Yes, Sirius?**

We should design the devious plan together…as James is…what's the word? "Ignoring" us…

**Hah. He won't be for long. **

_Ignoring…__Ignoring…totally ignoring._

So you'd rather listen to Binns then have us annoy you?

_Precisely. _

Well, that's just fantastic.

**I feel so loved. **

Me too.

_Shut up. My __parchment keeps glowing when I don't read it!_

**Yeah, that was my brilliant idea. **

Proud of you.

**Cheers. **

_Is it too much to ask for you people to leave me alone?!_

Is it too much to ask for you to stop staring at Evans?

**Touché, very nice. **

I know.

_Bloody hell, I'm not looking at her! _

What's she wearing?

_Her robes?_

AHA! You're staring!

_AHA! Shut up._

**Guys, class is over. **

_Thank god._

Don't think you're getting out of this that easily.

_Im quivering with fear. _

Ha-ha.

* * *

Well tell me what you think! 

Depending on you guys, i might continue so read and revieww!!!!!!

xx

as ever,

JohnnyDicaprio


	2. Sirius's Dilemma

**Heyyy sorry guys i took so long to update, I'm just in the middle of switching computers so its been kind of a weird phase. **

**Sooo, this was just some random story i came up with...**

Update: Sorry guys, had to repost, cuz something was wrong with the word document...blaghh...

**_Just a reminder:_**

Sirius Black

_James Potter_

**Remus Lupin**

_**new characters coming up, i promise!!**_

* * *

_**3**__**rd**__** Period: Transfiguration**_

Why is this school getting increasingly boring?

**Hogwarts is boring for you?**

Well, loosely phrased, yes.

_Good, god, I wonder what you would do in a muggle school. _

**He'd probably go mental. **

_Just imagining Sirius as a muggle - _

- Oh, shut up. It's just that we don't do anything dangerous anymore.

_Are you kidding? Our lives don't have enough danger in it for you?_

Exactly. First years get more action then we do.

**That sounds...wrong. **

_Gross, Paddy. _

I didn't mean it that way you pervert.

**I get what you mean, but isn't once a month enough for you?**

_How about Remus's furry little problem?_

Yeah, yeah...No offense Moony, but you're getting kind of predictable.

**It's not like I can control it! Would you like me schedule a different time for my transformation to fit your liking??**

That would be great!

_You are such a git. _

I know.

**Shit! McGonagall is coming! Quick quick – **

**------**

_Smooth, Moony. _

Yeah like she would believe that it was a "spare piece of parchment."

**Well, she left, didn't she?**

_I bet she saw right through it. We're all getting detention. _

Ah, well, if we're getting detention, might as well make full use of it!

_What do you mean?_

Ok, look; let's say, for instance, you, Prongs were dating someone.

_Alright…_

Bear with me. And let's say, hypothetically, that you bore an unhealthy…_desire_, shall we say, for another person…

**Go on…**

Well, you wouldn't cheat unless you found someone really hot, right?

_Where is this going?_

Are you following me?

_Not reall -_

**- Yeah, yeah, w****hat's your point?**

My point is that, if we are already going to get detention -

**- I don't see the connection...**

- We might as well do something more drastic! Like… -

- _Trash the trophy room, for example?_

Hey, that was ONE time! And I didn't even get caught!

**You would have if it weren't for James's cloak. **

Shut up, I meant something like –

_-Raiding the kitchens until the elves kick you out?_

Prongs, trying to say something here.

_Right – _

_-_And they didn't _kick me out_, I left!

_Yeah, that's why you were covered head-to-foot in muffin crumbs and butterbeer when you came up to the common room – _

You guys are missing the point -

**- No, ****we get your point, but if we do something more drastic, we could get - **

_-__Expelled?_

**I was going to say in big trouble,**** expelled works just fine. **

What happened to you guys? You're getting boring!

_We are not!_

And you! You're beginning to sound like Remus!

**Just because we don't want to get expelled – **

I miss my old friends…

**Hey - **

James, all this lady drama is getting to your head! You used to love danger! What happened!?

_Sirius, I agree with - _

WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY FRIEND?!!

_Ah, sod off!_

I'm serious, I'm going to kill Evans, you've become the second Moony! I don't think the world can handle two!

**Thanks, I appreciate that. **

I'm here for you mate.

**You're enjoying this, aren't you?**

I am not! How dare you suggest such a thing?!

_Wow, you really look offended, I think you're getting better at that. _

Thank you, I have been practicing.

_Because you don't have better things to do with your time?_

**I have to study tonight, there's no way I can have time for detention!**

What the hell are you studying for, we've got no homework.

**We've got a twelve inch essay, whose subject is taught by the most intimidating woman on earth. **

My mother?

**Ha-ha. **

I bet you could find something to study for even if we were on summer holidays.

**We've got an essay, Paddy. **

Well if you're going to get all technical…

**James?**

Crap, where's he gone? Prongs?

**Great, we've lost him again. **

Good god, he's just staring at her isn't he?

**I wouldn't want to be her, it must be quite scary having a person look at you like that. **

Like they belong in St. Mungo's?

**Exactly what I mean. **

Poor Lily…poor, poor, Lily.

_I can still read the parchment you morons. _

Well, it's nice to know you can multi-task.

_What's that supposed to mean?_

Meaning you can both ogle at Lily, and read a parchment. Good job, prongs.

_This is getting old, Paddy. _

**Well, as soon as you admit it, he'll stop.**

Of course I will.

_No you wont, you'll just keep making fun of me!_

Perhaps, but I'll also help you get her.

_No one is going to "get" her! _

**Ah, do I sense a hint of jealousy? **

You're giving yourself a-waaayyy…

_Shut it, you – and I'm not jealous, why would I be?_

**Why are you in denial?**

Just admit it, you like her!

_I DO NOT!_

Jeez, relax, no need to get all red-faced and angry.

**Yeah, we were just having a little bit of fun.**

_I'm going to crawl in a hole and die now, excuse me. _

You are so not getting rid of us yet.

* * *

**A/N:** SOoo this story is so completely random, but whatever - some people seem to like it so im reallly happy!! 

Read and Review people, read and review!!!!

xoxox

JohnnyDicaprio


	3. A Case of Mistaken Identity

JAMES! QUIT STARING AT HER!

_I am not. _

**Shut up, the both of you!**

_Would you guys stop telling me what to do!_

You're freaking her out!

_I am not!_

**James, obsession is dangerous. **

_Only if you're on a wooden ship and your obsession is a whale. I think I'm in the clear. _

Heh?

**You do realize I was being metaphorical?**

_Well, __you do realize that the point of metaphors is to scare people from doing things by telling them that something much scarier is going to happen, than what will really happen? God, I wish I had a metaphor to explain that better._

Alright, alright. Enough talk about things that I don't understand. I am so screwed for the NEWTs.

_Welcome to the club. _

There's a club?

**No.**

I want to join!!!

**Wormy, there is no club. **

But –

**He was trying to be funny. **

"Trying" being the operative word, here.

_Shut up, you mutt. _

Ooh, hitting me where it hurts, Prongs. Now excuse me, but I'm going to make Moody pround and listen to the teeny weeny professor in front of me.

**He sounds reasonable.**

_I think it's time to up the medication. _

Oh, hardi-har-har.

Guys, I'm hungry. 

**Why am I not surprised?**

_Pete, when are you ever full?_

I'm hungry too, Pete. I think we should stop by the kitchens for a little house-elf visiting.

_We JUST had lunch! _

**30 minutes ago. **

Do you know how long that is in dog years? Come on Pete, let's go.

**SIT DOWN! **

Why is Remus spitting and spluttering?

Jeez, Moony, relax, it's not like I was going to take your Charms book away from you.

_You guys do realize that we are in class?_

Oh, are we? So _that's_ why that midget has been droning on for three hours.

_Paddy, we've only been in charms for three minutes. _

Details, details.

Flitwick frightens me..

He frightens all, wormy, frightens all.

_Are we talking about the same person? _

**Flitwick is a wonderful teacher. **

He's a dwarf.

_I'll have you know, he's part goblin, part dwarf. _

Oh, because goblins are _so_ much friendlier.

**It's not that –**

HEY! GIVE MR.SNUFFLES BACK, YOU WORM!

But I need a pillow!

**Peter, Sirius may stab you with a quill if you do not give him his stuffed bear back.**

Why would you say that?

**Because he's staring at Mr. Snuffles and glaring at you holding a sharp quill. **

He's a FLAMINGO!

_It's a bear, paddy. _

His name is Bill, and he's a _FLAMINGO_!

_I thought his name was Mr.Snuffles?_

Yes. MR.Snuffles. Mr. Bill Snuffles.

That's a great name. 

**Paddy, it's a bear. **

HE HAS A NAME! AND HE'S A FLAMINGO!

**Words have set meanings for a reason. You see an animal like Bill, and try to play with him; Bill's going to eat you. Because Bill's a bear. **

Bill wouldn't eat me!!

**Bill is a bear. And he would. **

Bill is brown; he has pretty eyes, and a collar. BILL'S A FLAMINGO!

**See that's what we call faulty syllogism. Just because you **_**call**_** Bill a flamingo, doesn't mean he's a flamingo. **

I DON'T CARE ABOUT SYLOGSLIMSMSM! BILL IS A _**FLAMINGO**_!

_Bill has doesn't have a beak._

STOW IT, ANTLER-BOY!

_Bill also has four legs and he's brown._

SHUT UP!

**Prongs, maybe we should just leave him with his bear.**

FLAMINGO!

_Hell hath no fury like a Padfoot scorned. _

**Wormy, just give it back before he tears you apart. **

Fine.

MR.SNUFFLES! How I've missed you! You're –

_Why is his eye twitching?_

**Oh, look out people, he's gonna explode…**

IS THIS DROOL??

Erm. If I say no, will he believe me?

_Not likely. _

Does anyone mind if I pass out?

**I think that Flitwick would mind. **

_He's still staring at Bill. _

**This is not good. **

I need to sit down. 

_You are sitting down._

Oh? Good for me. 

---------------------------------------------------x-x-x--------------------------------------------------

_I swear, Tessa, I think I might just kill him._

**Who, him?**

_That…thing!!_

**James?**

_Yes._

**And why is that, I think he's pretty cute…**

_Cute?! Are you mad?_

**You poked a hole in the parchment. **

_It repairs itself. Whose idea was that?_

**Mine. To make sure that you can't rip it up and throw it away. **

_Are you insane?_

**Not as far as I know…**

_Ha-Ha._

**Not trying to be funny.**

_He's just so pompous and annoying and –_

_- _**Look at the way he's just staring at you –**

_Shut up – he's not –_

**- Course he is, just look!**

_Dear god, he's such a freak._

**He looks pretty strange just staring at you like that…**

What's the problem here, this thing has been burning my pocket for the last five minutes!

**Oh, nothing really, Lily here was just admiring – **

- I was not admiring!

**- James.**

You mean Potter?

**Yeah…**

To be fair, she's right, he's pretty annoying.

_THANK YOU!_

You're wel –

**- Oh shut up! You're just saying that because you like Black! **

I do not!

_Really, she does? _

**Yep, didn't you hear her raving about him yesterday? **

_Not really…_

**You probably were thinking about James –**

**- **HEY!

**- Anyway, she was talking about how annoying, how arrogant… - Come to think of it, she was acting just like you!**

_Oh, bugger off!_

**Hey! Don't take that tone with me!**

_I'm not taking a tone, its on paper you moron._

**Still I – Sarah?**

_Hey why isn't she replying?_

**HA! She's looking at Black!**

_What? Really?_

**Oh good god, is she checking him out? **

_I think I retched a little in my mouth. _

I was not "cheking him out" thank you very much!

**Oh yeah? What were you doing? **

I was – there was something in my eye.

_I believe her. _

**Oh, shut it, you. **

No, really. I hate Black.

**Youuu're in deniaaaal.**

_And I hate Potter. _

**Well, there's a thin line between love and hate, you know. **

_No, there is not a thin line between love and hate. There is, in fact, a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every twenty feet between love and hate._

**Jeez, someone's cranky. **

Argh. Someone should shut those people up.

**Well, I'm sure staring at Black non-stop will do the trick. **

I'm going to tear your throat out.

**I'm just trying to help!**

_Oh, but as long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want. _

**And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want. So, Lily, between us, we can do anything. WE CAN RULE THE WORLD!**

_Um, Sarah? Did you forget to give her medication?_

**Oh, shut up. **


End file.
